The Second Agreemant: Don’t Take Anything Personally

Photo by Vero Manrique on Unsplash

The Four Agreements, Written by don Miguel Ruiz

Sometimes in our busy day to day lives, we forget that everyone is living a different life than us. That everyone has a story to tell, and that we will never know every detail of those stories. Knowing this, and also knowing no one will ever know every detail about us, it only makes sense to never take anything personally.

In the book “The Four Agreements” by don Miguel Ruiz, he states just this. “Don’t Take Anything Personally”, the Second Agreement. Another simple but powerful creed, that we must follow if we want to break free from unnecessary drama that plagues our lives. Just think back to a recent time where something someone had said had bothered you deeply. Did this person truly know you? Know the thoughts in your head? Know the things that drive you? Know all of the trials you have been through? No. So, why do they have any ability to cast accurate judgement. You know You. Only you can be the one to decide who and what you are.

Let us dive a bit deeper into this idea of “Don’t Take Anything Personally”.

Understanding Personal Projection

Miguel talks about how everyone has their own agreements that they consciously and subconsciously subscribe to and believe. Everyone from all walks of life has different values and agreements. This is caused by the programming and words used by: family growing up, groups they were involved with, the friends they surround themselves with, and many other factors. People project these values in many ways. They project them in the ways they talk, the words they use, the habits they create, the decisions they make, and much more. When you interact with people they project these values and agreements, consciously and subconsciously.

Knowing this, we can be aware of this in our interactions in our day to day life. People project their own reality. As Miguel would say, they project their own dream onto you. This isn’t a reflection of who you are, and what you believe. This is a projection of their life. So, when someone says something they may rub you the wrong way or condemns you, you have to remember, this is not a reflection of you or your worth or value. Only YOU can place this value upon yourself, based on how you feel internally. But, NO ONE can decide this value but YOU.

You must also remember, people project their emotional states. We all know that humans are emotional creatures. So, if we disregard the fact that even the highest quality people have bad days, we set ourselves up for failure. A persons emotional state has nothing to do with you or your internal self worth. So, remembering this allows us to remain level headed during our day to day interactions, and to leave the unnecessary drama behind. We no longer contribute to the drama motion picture that we can sometimes create in our heads. And instead, we remain unwavering every day and we no longer suffer unnecessarily.

What Releasing from Unnecessary Suffering Could Look Like

When we suffer unnecessarily, we burn through energy, mentally and physically. This is very taxing for a person. I don’t know about you, but my day is already busy enough and taxing enough, why would I want to burn anymore energy on anything else? When you adopt this Agreement of not taking anything personally, you go into what I would call a “power-saving mode”. Imagine having even just 10-20% more energy by the end of the day? Imagine the things you could get done, and just how much better you would feel. Just by avoiding a taxing thought process. So, you can see why this is so important.

This will also bring a sense of peace to your life. The anxious voices in your head will become quieter and quieter the more you practice. This could even help you create an emotional equilibrium even in challenging situations. This level of unwaveringness in life is crucial for making rational decisions while under stress. I contribute a section of my success to being able to objectively look at information and make a decision accordingly. If you are busy thinking about “What if my co-worker thinks my orange shirt is tacky?” then your head isn’t in the game, and your judgement will be cloudy.

Following this Agreement is simply a no brainer. Not only for yourself, but for the people around you.

The Ability To Be Empathetic and Compassionate

When you take things personally you try to make the situation about you. When in truth, the person who is casting judgement, or acting in a less quality way is the person acting from their lower quality agreements. This person could be suffering inside, going through something, or simply having a poor day. When we take what they say personally, act defensively, or with judgement, we end up missing the opportunity to understand and act with compassion toward the person who is suffering.

When we take this opportunity to recognize that we are both humans, and attempt to act in a way of kindness and understanding, we end up creating deep connections with people. These opportunities really are what life is all about. The feeling you will have connecting with another human like this, will increase your outlook on life. You also help this person, with giving them the opportunity to pull themselves out of the mud. It is amazing how far small acts of humility go in lifting peoples spirits, and increasing peoples belief in humanity. We all know there is enough negativity to look at on a daily basis, what is so wrong with being a light in sea of dark.

Speaking of increasing your outlook on life. With this Agreement, you will not only increase your outlook on life, but you will also increase your outlook on yourself. Let’s take a look.

Personal Empowerment Through the Agreement

After practicing this Agreement, you will develop a inner sense of strength and confidence. This goes back to “Only you can decide your worth and value. No one Else.”. Once you prove that you are an emotionally stable force of nature, YOU will know your value, without a doubt. This only perpetuates the agreement. Not only that, it boosts you as a human. It increases your value, and when you know your value truly, no one can make you feel any different, or make you change your mind. This is because YOU know. By not internalizing others’ opinions or behaviour, you regain your self power and autonomy.

Proving to yourself that you are better than your past self is a huge accomplishment. This is also a step in making this an engrained habit. When you prove this to yourself, you now have another thing that points to you being that type of person. When your brain starts to believe you are this type of person, you start to see and do things that make this habit even more true. And ta-da! You have made this a positive habit loop that will ensure you stay the path of self-awareness, ridding of suffering, emotional stability, being empathetic, and being an empowered person, by making one decision… “Don’t Take Anything Personally”

Final Thoughts…

I never thought that this book would have such profound lessons in it. I highly recommend this book and its teachings. To truly read this book and study it. And to not stop studying it until it has stuck with you. And then read it some more. Repetition is the key to engraining this information.

I am sure you can agree that this small Agreement “Don’t Take Anything Personally” can have long lasting and profound impacts on the lives it touches. And of course I would like to thank don Miguel Ruiz for sharing this with the world, and with me.

Thank you for reading all the way through, and don’t forget to read the rest of “The Four Agreements” articles if you like what you see, and want to see more!

Cheers!