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The Four Agreements, Written By don Miguel Ruiz
You know what they say when you assume… You make an ASS out of U and ME. *Da-DUM, CHHHH* All joking aside, we all know assumption make things messy; in business and in everyday interactions. We all know the saying, and we all know that assumptions are bad, but do we live by this agreement, truly? Miguel Ruiz knows the importance of living by this creed. He even goes into great detail on what happens if you do and don’t follow this agreement. Again, a seemingly small phrase, but with BIG impacts in life.
We are going to go through this phrase; Miguel Ruiz’s third agreement from the book “The Four Agreements”. To see what our assumptions do to us on a daily basis. As well, seeing what living without our assumptions could do for us.
Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy!
Clarification and Communication
I always say, in business and in life, “Communication is the Key”. There has been many times when I have broken down issues to their root cause, and found that communication or lack of communication, was the underlying problem. I have seen this after fights with my fiancée, and after issues between people in my work. Everything could have been avoided if people took the time to clarify and communicate.
When you assume, you fill in the gaps with your own made up interpretations of the story. These filled in gaps may not always align with the reality of the situation. When you are working on situations with false information (that you pieced together), it is very hard to get to adequate resolutions and correct answers. This is especially important when dealing with sensitive situations and people.
By avoiding assumptions all together, the only option you have left is to find clarification instead. Communicating, to find clarification, puts you on the best path to finding proper resolutions to sensitive situations. Which brings us to our next point, Leaders prioritize clarity.
Leaders Take Responsibility for Clarity
Leaders proactively search for clarity. When you take a proactive approach to clarity you ensure questions are asked when needed and that there is clarity in the communication. There is deep respect for this behaviour, taking the extra time to ensure clear understanding is reached before condemning or passing judgement is vital in a leadership role. It is simply the act of a true professional, and is very admirable.
The opposing passive approach is set for failure. When you accept vague and ambiguous information at face value, there is too much room for error in your judgement, and people will not trust your leadership or your judgement calls. Always take the time to clarify. This will foster much stronger connections to others and build deeper trust.
Respecting Perspectives and Keeping an Open Mind
When you make assumptions, it can lead to unfair judgements about others’ intentions or beliefs. Like we said in the previous article, all types of people have diverse backgrounds and worldviews. If we want to be the best version of ourselves, we have to respect these world views. Or else we fall into unconsciousness and start to project our views and negativity onto others. When you refrain from making assumptions, you demonstrate this respect toward others and their experiences and perspectives. You also recognize that everyone has unique worldviews that are shaped by their backgrounds, culture, and past experiences.
Assumptions keep you closed minded. They limit you to your own preconceived views of the world. By avoiding assumptions, you open your world to the diversity of new possibilities and perspectives. This allows for learning from others perspectives and embracing the beauty in the world from a vast diversity of view points. The first thing people will think about when the word diversity is used, is race. That can definitely be true, but this can be used for many other perspectives too; political, economical, geographical, religious, and many more.
A key take away from this article would be… Understanding that other people will have different views and differing opinions on topics. But that doesn’t mean you have to feel a sense of personal attack when someone has a different view. The ability to talk freely and to respect one another, even when we have polar-opposite views, is a thing of beauty. Freedom of speech is something that should be celebrated, not something to be silenced.
Remaining Mindful
A key thing to remember throughout the learnings in this book is to remain mindful. Mindfulness is the ability to remain aware in the present moment. This ability is so important to being able to implement these agreements into your life. These agreements truly go hand in hand with mindfulness. When you stay mindful you are much less likely to jump to conclusions or make rash decisions based on your habits. Instead, you fall into clarity, and can approach situations with a sense of tact and openness.
A simple breath before diving into situations can really make all the difference.
Final Thoughts…
It really does feel like this Agreement “Don’t Make Assumptions” really does require some tact, and a slowing of the thought process. Remaining open, curious, and always looking for clarity (a clear path), in all interactions. It really does feel like a next step in our quest to being the best versions of ourselves. This Agreement helps to build, clearer communication, deeper connections, a heightened sense of empathy for those around us, and a willingness for understanding for that which we don’t yet understand.
Thank you for reading this far!
I really do hope you found this to be an insightful breakdown of the Third Agreement from don Miguel Ruiz’s Book, “The Four Agreements”
Thank you and cheers!