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The Four Agreements, written by don Miguel Ruiz
In the first section of this book, you really get the feeling that you are reading something important. Like you are reading something special, something that might point you in an important direction. Maybe that is just me being overly optimistic, but it has a type of glow to it.
I want to spend this time reflecting on the First Agreement in the book. All of the Agreements are very simplistic, that at first glance you really don’t think they will be all that life-changing. But, as soon as you start to delve into them and really opening them up and dissecting them, you really start to see how important they are in everyday life.
Before reading the book, I would sometimes become aware of life for a moment and stop and think. I would think about the rush in everyday life, and how it seems everyone is in such a rush to get nowhere at all. In the book, Miguel speaks of how everyone is dreaming in their every day life. I truly related to this, especially during these moments of awareness. It is so easy to blindly run through life and not even realize you are living life on autopilot. This scares me sometimes. Especially as the days turn to weeks, and weeks turn to years.
Time does seem to slip by sometimes, and that is why I would like to consciously live the life I am given. I would like to live this life in a way that allows me to be aware of these “small” agreements that play such a big part in our lives. Prioritize positivity and love over its opposite. As much as that sounds like esoteric-spiritual mumbo-jumbo, it just seems like the better way to live your one life. Being the best you can be in all situations.
That being said, lets start to really take a look at the First of the Four Agreements in don Miguel Ruiz’s Best Selling book. “Be Impeccable With Your Word”.
Let’s Start Dissecting – “Be Impeccable With Your Word”
Seems simple, right? Just be, like, really good with your words, and such. I can do that… no problem. EASY… Wait a minute, there is a lot more to it. Let us dig into what Miguel means by “Be Impeccable with your words”. Miguel defines impeccable as “without sin or flaw”. While some people might see the word “sin” as a religious word with many meanings, I see it a little differently. I see the act of sinning as missing the point of life, or acting in a way that isn’t in harmony with life, love, and truth. Again, this might sound like spiritual mumbo-jumbo, but it is as simple as having high integrity with the words you use in your day to day life.
Speaking with Integrity
Speaking with integrity. What does this look like? Saying what you mean, and avoiding using words that speak against yourself or others. Miguel also heavily emphasizes avoiding gossip. I heavily related to this. There are so many times where you feel obligated to join in the banter to fit in and to be part of the crew. This is even at the expense of others, which ultimately is at the expense of your integrity as a person.
This is a very critical point that Miguel makes. The quality of your word ultimately points to the quality of your integrity.
A good analogy for personal integrity is how you score yourself as a total, throughout your interactions in life. You do what you say, even though it might not be the easiest route. You don’t spread rumors or partake in watercooler gossip. I especially relate to this as a leader in my workplace. Setting the example as a person who doesn’t talk negatively about others is so important to maintain the respect of my people, that I lead and coach. There is times where I think back to situations and reflect to make sure I have done the right thing. As a person who is newer to this role, I find that I have a lot to learn and am always looking for ways to continually grow. This particular subject has been a place I know I can improve in.
Use Words To Build, Not Destroy
The next topic that Miguel talks about is, using words to build and not to destroy. There are situations that can be completely transformed with just using positive and constructive verbiage, instead of negative and destructive verbiage.
There was a certain situation that comes to mind regarding this topic. I will keep it vague but it is interesting to see how a perspective on a situation can make the difference. I was having a hard time pinpointing what someone was doing wrong in a situation to help coach them. Something didn’t feel right with an outcome they were getting, but I couldn’t exactly pinpoint what they were doing wrong. When I was conversing with the person regarding the situation, it came to me that they were seeing the situation from a dark point of view. They were viewing the other party as someone who was out to get them, or that the other party was doing something to make their life harder. When I noticed this, I simply explained the situation from the other parties point of view, and explained that they were being negligent, not malicious in their actions. Once I explained that the actions were not personal, and that the situation was just a misunderstanding that can be corrected with better communication (more quality words), the situation fell into place. But, it first took a shift from the negative outlook and verbiage being used, to a more constructive one, to allow for a resolution.
I find it amazing how we can miss the fact that we are using our words in destructive ways without even noticing due to programming that comes from situations in childhood. Defense mechanisms. Miguel calls these agreements that we make with ourselves, this is typically from past experiences that we don’t even know we have come to agree with. The key to breaking these negative agreements, is awareness. Not only outwardly, but inwardly as well, which brings us to our next topic. How we talk to ourselves with our words.
Practicing Self-Love and Self Respect
Miguel recommends treating yourself like you would treat others. This means in a positive way of course! If you have read this far into the article, something tells me, you don’t treat yourself and others poorly. You just don’t strike me as that type of person. But, I think we all can be a little nicer to ourselves. Miguel also talks about agreements we carry from the past that may cause us to be too heavily critical on ourselves. Being aware of these agreements are the first step to breaking them. Following this agreement of Being Impeccable With Your Word will erase all negative self talk by its nature. If you are being constructive and positive, there is no space for negativity, even within your mind. Of course this doesn’t happen on its own. You need to dedicate yourself to the agreement. You can only do this if you take responsibility of your word, which is exactly what we will be talking about next.
Take Responsibility for Your Word and Communication
Nothing in life worth having comes free. You must want to do this, and you must want to “Be Impeccable with your Word”. Taking Responsibility for the way you interact with yourself in others, and not just letting life happen is the first step. I feel like this is the perfect place to start the journey of self-mastery. In fact it is a great place to start for anyone wanting to better themselves in any way, shape, or form. Of course being aware of your word takes practice every day. One small step every day, one small step with every small interaction you have with others, or even within your head. Every thought that passes, is an opportunity to practice Being Impeccable With Your Word.
Why live life half way? Why not see how far you can take it? I bet you will surprise yourself! Why not commit to Being Impeccable with your Word? By taking on this journey, not only will you enhance your relationships with others, but you will also create a deeper sense of integrity and self-respect within yourself. This will pay dividends, and will spread to other aspects of life definitely.
Finishing Thoughts…
So far, I am loving this book. The more and more I reflect on the teachings the more I take it in, and realize just how deep the teachings go.
I look forward to continuing my learning with this book, and I encourage you to do the same. I promise you won’t regret it!
Thank you for joining me on this journey of self discovery and growth. It is always much more bearable with a friend!
Cheers!